There is an odd rhythm to newscasters reading off school delays and closings. Initially sent through the air with the same slight urgency that media personalities give to a homicide or a cat stuck in a pussywillow, the voices of the 'casters eventually break down into quick monotony. Strangely, it's a bit calming, and it gives me happy memories of days sans school in Iowa. It's missing something, though: the human interest angle.
Think of the Olympics: about one percent of one percent of Americans have an interest in curling, and NBC needs to get more eyes watching the exciting Bulgaria/Ukraine gold medal match. What to do? Ah ha! The Ukraine curling co-captain just lost his wife's big toe to severe frostbite, and yet he's managed to overcome that obstacle to get to the Olympic finals! NBC puts together a seven-minute, overproduced documentary-ette, curling apathy throughout America diminishes (as they have someone to cheer for), and volia! A 36 share!
So we have little Johnny at Ackley Middle School. Johnny's brother Paul has just been called up from the Army reserves, and yesterday was the last day Johnny got to spend with his brother. Johnny knows that family is more important than school, so he went bowling with Paul instead of finishing his algebra. Now he sees the yellowness of the sun glistening off the while snow, and he prays, "God, please bring back Paul safely. I love him so much. I thought about asking You to cancel school so I can finish my homework, but I would like to put all my prayers toward Paul, as he needs his life more than I need a C+." There is a live camera focused on Johnny; sitting to his right, his parents; on the table to his left, a framed picture of him and his brother. "Johnny," the reporter says, "I have some important news for you." Johnny looks straight into the camera with moist eyes. "All Ackley-Geneva schools are cancelled." Johnny cries. His parents cry. The framed picture gets condensation around the edges. "Thank you, Superintendent Williams, thank you!" Johnny yells. "You'll never regret this! You...you saved me!"
The camera lingers on Johnny for a time, and then there is a cut to the newscaster. "Thank you, Patrick, for that touching story. Now, lets go to Melissa Randolph in Boone, where a girl named Lisa is hoping she won't have to be teased in gym class today..."
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
