This is somewhere between drafts one and two, but I decided I'd give y'all a chance to read it and make suggestions prior to the end of draft two. Yes, the screenplay is rather strange. No, I'm not completely sure what is going on with the film. No, the dream sequence mentioned in the middle of the film is not a sly rebuke to the similar one in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Yes, I wrote that Falkland Islands poem segment myself. Yes, the phrase "Hey Vern" is used 37 times. (My goal: To bring it up to 53.)
Reading hints:
1) Everything is read at top speed -- Gilmore Girls speed -- except for the two or three instances where it is specifically said not to.
2) Italicized bits are read in falsetto.
3) The [ding] is the hand chime.
4) I said there would be end credit music. No longer.
5) My talking will be in color. Other things that will be filmed (by me or the Ed/Beth-Annie) team, such as orange juice (aka a "virgin screwdriver"), will be changed to black & white, and that will be placed at about a 20 percent opacity over the main image. I tried it with some raw footage from "Eileen," and it looked pretty cool, methinks.
6) I am looking for ways to lengthen the screenplay -- at the speed I want to take it, the film may only be about four minutes long as is -- so.
7) Don't worry about the numbers.
8) I need to maintain a consistent tense, I know. If someone wants to fix it all present-tense like for me so I don't have to, I will deem you, um, Script Editor.
I think it will play better than it reads. Let's all hope so.
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
