Y'all remember scene one, yes? Okay. Let us continue.
[Julie is on a pay phone.]
Julie: Hi, yes, thank you, I do have a bit of an emergency. [pause] Why don't you guess? [pause] It is too not inappropriate. He's dead, so a few minutes won't... [pause] Yes. [pause] No, c'mon, just...I'm just, you must be terribly depressed, all day listening to heart attacks and cats up trees and...I'm trying to brighten your after... [pause] No? [pause]Thank you. [pause] No, not a car crash. [pause] No. [pause] No. [pause] Um, indirectly, I guess. [pause] No, you were closer the last time. [pause] It wasn't actually a branch from a tree; it was more of... [pause] You think a leaf is going to kill a man? That's just crazy. No, it was some sort of electrical compo... [pause] Yeah, kinda like tha... [pause] That one park, near the... [pause] No, on the other... [pause] Yeah, ambulance, or... [pause] Okay.
[Julie hangs up. Cut to empty church, just Julie and her friend Michelle.]
Michelle: It was a lovely service.
[Julie sits, eyes closed. Slowly, Julie's eyes start opening -- confused at first, then heading in the vague direction of angry.]
Julie: It was a lovely service. But why?
Michelle: Why?
Julie: Why. Because who.
Michelle: Who?
Julie: Who paid for this lovely service, Michelle? Who, who, who paid for this service? I did not pay for this service. Who paid for this service? I do not know. I do not believe anyone knows, and I want to know who...
Michelle: The person who paid.
Julie: The person who paid.
Michelle: The person who paid knows.
[Michelle opens up a stack of papers, very small type, etc. She rifles through them and pulls one out. On it in REALLY BIG LETTERS is: "NATHAN COOPER'S FUNERAL/PAID FOR BY/SECRET AGENT/FOR THE FBI/JULIUS KROPERMAN"]
[Cut to Julie, standing in the middle of a forest, in silence. She stands around, looking in various directions. She does a small, bored dance. She kicks her feet. Twenty seconds after the scene starts, a man (Julius) comes out of the forest, and grabs Julie. Julie screams. Quick cut to black. It is still black as the dialogue starts.
Julius: [whispering] It is not good that we are here. This is bad. This is a bad place. Bad things happen with...trees. Trees. They hear. They know we are around. I talk to trees. I say, "Hello, tree." But it is not a sincere greeting. I tell them "hello" because I want them to think that I am their friend. I lie to them. Do you understand? I am not their friend. I am not their...HI, TREES! NOTHING GOING ON HERE.
[cut to Julius' face]
Julius: JUST CHATTING ABOUT THE GREATNESS OF TREES, AS I AM SO APT TO DO. I HAVE SOME WATER THAT I WILL GIVE YOU SO THAT YOU MAY COMPLETE PHOTOSYNTHESIS VIS A VIS YOUR CHLOROPHYLL AND CELLULAR RESPIRATOIN, SO DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT so these are robot trees, do you understand?
[Cut to Julie, gagged. She shakes her head "no." Cut to Julius.]
Julius: These are robot trees.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
