"That's not how you spell 'dumbening.' Wait, 'dumbening' isn't even a word!" According to the illegal copy of the Intelligence Master 3500A (Genius Edition) on my home computer, my I.Q. has gone down 25.3 points since returning from Alaska. Perhaps not, but I feel like it: Because of lack of sleep, I'm sure (yesterday was my second bad night in a row, breaking my streak), my mind is sluggish. Thoughts have to traverse through my feet into the ground and make two passes around the globe before making it to my mouth or fingers. It's annoying. I don't like it.
I tell you this for two reasons. First, that's one of the reasons I've been so prolific recently. By writing, I'm trying to get the cerebellum juices flowing again. Second, I do not feel qualified to make major decisions in my life right now, so I was hoping that y'all might help me. Here is the decision:
Q: Should I or should I not make a fool of myself at a disc golf tournament tomorrow and Sunday?
Con arguments: a) It's $25. That's, like, three new discs.
b) Out of 90 people likely to participate (so I've been told, at least), I will finish about 87th, beating out a 85-year-old great-grandfather, his 9-year-old great-granddaughter, and their dog. This is not because I'm a bad disc golfer -- I'm an above average casual player, I'd guess -- but from what I hear, the majority of participants will be (a) touring professionals and (b) amateurs who are playing 17 rounds a week. I can't compete with that. If not like golfing with Tiger Woods, it's like golfing in the same tournament with John Daly or Tom Kite. I will admit that I'm a bit nervous about being discomfited.
c) This isn't an argument, but Ed, will you tell me the score you got the time you played in Richmond with us? Minus 18, 19, 20? The first of the four rounds will be from white tees on that very course, and I want to see how you compare.
d) I'm a bit out of practice right now; with losing my Cyclone the week before Alaska, then Alaska, then it being interminably hot in Richmond this week, I've only played 27 holes in the last 19 days. I'm planning to play 36 more today for practice, but still.
e) I'm guessing it'll take up at least four hours each of those two days, maybe more. I could be working on my novel (ha!) or catching up on the haiku contests (ha! ha!) during that time.
f) Since I'm in the novice division of the PDGA, I don't even get any points.
Pro arguments:
a) I can burn off those three pounds I gained during my lethargy in Alaska. (Cruises, bus tours, driving makes for a passive vacation.)
b) I'll no doubt learn something by watching golfers so, so, so much better than me.
c) Everyone who I've talked to thinks I should.
d) This is the only tournament this year in Richmond. (There are a few about an hour away, though.)
e) It is like golfing in the same tournament with John Daly or Tom Kite, which is kind of cool.
f) It'll likely be fun, even if I have to meet 88 strangers and one dog.
I will be accepting both public and private suggestions. At 10:00P sharp tonight (unless, you know, I'm out seeing an Iranian film or something), after ignoring all your e-mails and posts, I will likely wimp out and decide not to set the alarm earlier. But you can try to persuade me otherwise. I suppose.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
