"Sorry Marge. I'm afraid this gets my lowest rating ever: Seven thumbs up."
As in all fields when companies take in many more submissions than they use, most rejection letters I have received in my handbell composing endeavors have been obvious fill-in-the-namers: "Dear Matthew: Matthew, we receive hundreds of works submitted to us each year, Matthew, and we're sorry to say that your submissions, Matthew, are not among those we've chosen to accept. Sincerely, Matthew Smith"
But. This rejection letter, sent from the handbell editor at one of the four or five largest handbell publishing companies, was anything but. Paragraph I will put on my business cards italicized:
"Afternoon, Matthew!
"Your recent handbell endeavors, 'Meditation on "Angels We Have Heard on High"' and 'Let Vibrate' were forwarded to me yesterday from our [head office]. Many thanks for sending these along to us. I enjoyed reading through both of them earlier today.
"You have a marvelous grasp of the idiom and a true sense of the instrument in your writing. It is indeed rare to encounter a writer as yourself in today’s market.
"That said, however, brings me to the most difficult part of being an editor. I’m afraid that for catalog and market reasons, I’m going to have to pass on both titles...."
[rationale elicited, but it had to do with, y'know, catalog and market reasons]
"Matthew, please don’t despair. If it gives you any comfort, even after publishing [many] titles myself, I still get these types of letters too. I do like what you do, and hope that you will continue to keep us in mind as your muse sends new ideas....
"With every good wish for your continued success..."
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
