X -ray of my soul here: I've never felt sufficiently sad, nor sufficiently angry, nor sufficiently any major negative emotion as an aftereffect from 9-11. On the day itself, there was shock/astonishment and fear/apprehension, but for me that never transformed itself to an acute need to get bin Laden (nor, converselyish, an acute need to defend innocent Arab-Americans and to defend innocent civil liberties¹), and for me it also never transformed itself into the obligatory (and rightfully so), immense sadness that the country, sans me², had. Compared to your average American, my word do I feel downright indifferent. The only time I cried over 9-11 -- and this was more of a tearing-up-but-tears-staying-within-the-eye than a salty-water-down-the-side-of-the-nose -- was when I saw Dan Rather cry on Letterman, but that was the result of seeing an venerated newsman lose it on the air, not the result of being emotionally shattered by the deaths of thousands.³ Take away that one exception, and unexpectedly my reactions have all been academic or philosophical: they have not been emotional and have certainly not been demonstrative. I feel...heartless, and one of the reasons I'm participating in my church's 9-11 prayer service is so I can perhaps be a part of this nationwide catharsis. For the past year, I certainly haven't.

In short: I have no right to say anything regarding this one-year anniversary, so I will shut up now.

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1 It’s not as though I didn’t see the need to get bin Laden or the need to defend civil liberties; they just were not and are not my number one political interests.

2 I was sad, yes, but immensely so? I can't recall any 9-11 emotion of mine that would justify that adverb.

3 It was grief by proxy, I suppose, as I was crying because someone was crying because of the 9-11 attacks.