Holy Cow
Peace flows through my soul
Cleansing and purifying.
Now I can't cuss. Damn!
Honorable Mention
popcorn
popcorn is only
great with real butter, not with
insincerity.
---
Oilcan Larry
He always wore this
oily shirt and slimy pants.
Turns out he was gay.
---
zydone (where the joke is that the form of the haiku cuts off the P in USP, which turns the haiku into a harsh commentary on americans’ dependence on prescription drugs)
hydrocondone bi-
tartrate and acetamino-
phen tablets, US.
Other Notable Haikus
The Confession of a Theif
Breaking, entering,
stealing the lives of those who...
hey, it’s I, then E!
---
vancouver
up in alberta
is the world’s greatest city,
but not vancouver.
---
do the bells ring for me?
gentle fooleries:
no girls, no gents, no
hetero eels.
---
Bum
Sitting on the bench.
Leaning against the cold wall.
Parking on the john.
---
cloudless thursday
do you see the sun?
do you see it glistening?
no, because it’s night.
---
A Haiku About Colors
Blue: the tint of sky.
Yellow: the tint of sunlight.
Brown: the tint of poop.
---
The Spanish alphabet, spelled out
Ah, bay, say, day, ay
efay, gay, achay, ee, ho-
lot of shakin’ go-
---
Ode to J.
Jennifer, your eyes
are as blue as morning sky.
So date me, you jerk.
---
pause.
pause. the nectar waits.
souls of the dead convene, as
i pick my nose. yum.
---
Nearly Strong Enough
I have lifted more
than 200 kilograms.
Oops. Make that “milli-.”
---
Send me to St. Lucia, oh dear mother
I am frostbitten:
lonesome in an arctic world
with Britney Spears. Help!
---
searing
this pain, this knife-like
pain is traveling through my
fish’s veins. poor guy.
---
My Toyota
I loved my Camry
‘till the day it died. Sadly,
its gravestone is cheap.
---
Pointillism
I have never seen
a suite of dots like those of
Pee-Wee Herman. La.